Random Variable

Much hoo-ha has been made on outsourcing, and the fact that we’re going to lose our jobs, which although not a worrying prospect for someone who’s yet to find employment, is a concern.

However, I would like to argue, by way of a personal anecdote, that there is a strong business case not to outsource, and I’m going to argue like this…

I recently bought a phone. As some of you know, it’s a HTC Universal.

My phone number originated in a company that was purchased by another. I then bought a new phone from a competitor and transferred my number to it, using a process called “porting”. I’ve now got my new phone and tried to transfer the number back.

I was told by the agent in the shop, that this uncommon case might cause some problems on the network.

The porting process takes about a week, and after that time, you experience perhaps 2 hours of outage whilst your number is “ported”.

This day came, and for about ten hours, my number was disconnected to the outside world. Anyone who tried to phone me was greeted with the words “the number you have dialled is incorrect”

So you can imagine my reaction…oh shit…

I phone the company’s customer services, which are based in India.

I get through, and try to explain my dilemma. They ask for my phone number, so I give them my usual number. They reply that I have an “online” account, and that I need to speak to the “online” company, which is separate to the “in the shop” company. I explain that my old account was with the “online” company. So they do some digging and find three accounts in my name. Firstly, the “online” account which was disconnected in 2004, another one which appears to be a) a typo or b) illegitimate, and an account with a temporary number. So I ask them to checkthe last one and they say it’s all OK. So I explain that it’s not OK, and try to attempt to explain what my odd case above. They reply that I have an online account, and before I say anything they transfer me over to the online customer services (based in Scotland). They tell me that I have a “in the shop” account and there’s nothing they can do for me.

So I phone customer services again, and go the option which is what you press when you’re unhappy with the customer service. Again, it’s in the Indian call centre.

I try to explain my situation, when I’m just greeted with the words “you have an online account.” I calmly say, “No, if you look I have three accounts in my name.” The agent refuses to acknowledge this and says without hesitation that I’ve phone the wrong company.
By this time I’m fairly angry.

I ask “Can I speak to someone with a modicum of technical expertise in the ports department.”

“No. You need to speak to “online””

“Look, you can’t buy online accounts in the shop. I bought the phone in the shop, hence I have a standard pay monthly account, hence when I dial customer services on my phone it goes through to you!”

“You need to speak to “online”. Oh, and a port takes a week”

“No it doesn’t, it takes a week to initiate, but the actual port only takes an hour or two.”

“You need to speak to “online”.”

“I know where I bought the phone, and it was in a shop”

“You still need to speak to “online””

I hang up.

The whole office is in hysterics at this point, and this phone call soon becomes the stuff of company folklore.

My last chance of hope, is the Corporate BlackBerry support number – only for corporate blackberries, like the name suggests.

I ring up.

“How can I help with your BlackBerry sir?”

“Look, this isn’t about a BlackBerry, this is about me. I’ve just had an fucking awful time with personal customer services, and you’re my only hope.”

“OK, what’s up?”

AHHHHH! Relief!

I explain the situation, and they reply back to me:

“Can you give me your port code from your previous provider. I’ll just put you on hold, and call the ports department and see what’s happening.”

See, you can immediately tell that this person knows what they’re talking about.

After about five minutes, they take me off hold.

“They’ve had a look at the system, and it seems to be running very slowly today. Your port’s scheduled to complete at 10pm, but there’s going to be no problem with your number. Anything else I can help you with sir?”

“No, you’ve saved my life. Thanks!!”

“That’s OK. Goodbye sir!”

So, where is this corporate blackberry support HQ located? In the UK of course.

This is the crux of my argument.

You can’t outsource your customer facing operations to people who have no domain expertise. How is a Indian worker in a distant call centre supposed to understand concepts of number porting, mergers and acquisitions, disconnecting and reconnecting when they’re unlikely to have any experience of it themselves, personally or professionally.

You may as well train computers to do customer services, because in fact all you’re doing is “programming” the customer support workers to talk a foreign and alien language.

Their command of the English language or their intelligence is completely irrelevant without the benefit of experience.

Besides, isn’t that how companies choose who to employ anyway, based on experience?

I suspect that companies using outsourced customer service operations are probably losing revenue in the form of leaving irate customers who know more about their services and systems than the call centre staff.

Oh, and by the way, the company in question is O2. Formerly BT Cellnet. O2, ladies and gentlemen. They suck ass bad.